Girls, Me & Stupidity

I have come to the realisation that I'm really horrible bad when it comes to relationships.

~ Breaking The Cycle ~

I'm sitting here listening to the song 'Love the way you lie' by Eminem. I don't usually listen to songs with such aggressive lyrics, but I think lately in my own life I have been watching someone become an abuser towards one of my sisters.

It's one of these incredible, surreal feelings of not being able to help, not being able to do anything about it. I feel like punching myself in the head when I see her run back to her abuser. I feel like ripping out my own heart in a desperate attempt to save her. I reach this place where I realise that there is nothing I can do, but just stand there and watch her destroy her life.

The abuse victim cycle is this circle of action that destroys both parties involved. How is it possible that two people that 'love' each other have gone from being in love to be able to be so full of hate, so full of bitterness, where does all this hurt and hate come from?

It comes from a hole in our own lives. For the victim, there is a hole in there life where they feel that they deserve the pain that they experience, they feel that this is how they deserve to be treated. This can be because of the way they were treated when they were a child, or when a massive event happens that makes someone lose their identity. They're identity is then built in the approval of someone else. It opens up the person for abuse, neglect and hurt.

I look at my sister and I see that she has been rejected by so many people in her life. I guess her those people that she wanted to feel love from them, but didn't receive it. Then she ran to men to get that approval, but the men she ran to, didn't love her, but used her, broke her life.

God, it i just a cycle, a continues run in circles. God there is so much hate in our hearts, there is so much evil. How can a man hit the women he loves, how can he force himself upon her, how can he hurt her so much? God I don't understand how actions start in our mind and then manifest in the lives of others.

God only you bring change. Only you can truly break the cycle and then restored the years that have been lost. Only you Jesus are our hope. Only you have change minds, hearts, actions.

God help me not to give up hope. Hope that my family can change, Hope that you Jesus can speak into their lives. Hope that I can bring your message of love to those that are hurting, those that are longing. God give me the strength not to give up, not to lose hope, not to turn to my own wickedness but to submit my life to you. To be a living sacrifice.

'But as for you, you meant evil against me; But God meant it for God...' Gen 50:20

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose' Rom 8:28

Leave, God will restore all that was lost.